i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
