Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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