I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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