a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
