I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
