you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
