girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
