Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Two words: blizzard sex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
