just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
