Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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