dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
