i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
