why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
