I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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