can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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