: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
