Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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