I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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