I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My ass is underappreciated
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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