From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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