I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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