he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My boob is missing a layer of skin
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
