if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
