Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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