Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
