he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
