you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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