You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
