I cannot find my penis.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
