I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
