1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
