best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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