It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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