what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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