HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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