that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
