i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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