chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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