i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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