I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
