Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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