Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
