She is in my trunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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