sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
