guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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