Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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