I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
