can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
