I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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