I have demons in me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
