What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
