how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
