Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am available for nakedness
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
